Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Life's Punches---The making of a Helper..

I have been setting here this morning visiting a few friends blogs and saying hello..doing a few contests along the way.But i am mentally revisiting my past and my families all the while.
Sometimes in our lives bad things happen and for the life of us we can't figure out why.We see other's go through life and seems like gold is just spread at their feet,and nothing negative or bad seems to touch them.Through my life i have been envious of people like that at times.While others, when bad things happen, seem to be able to just shrug it off as ''crap happens''! I could never do that.Negative or positive's,cursings or blessing's would embed themselves within me and run through my mind constantly.i could never just ''forget about it''.
For almost 11 years me and my kids were in a very abusive relationship with my daughters dad.95% OF IT WAS THE MOST HORRIFIENG times of me and my son's life.My daughter didn't get the abuse me and my son did..but still it hurt her mentally.
I tried over and over to get the courage up to leave but to no evail.I did manage to leave a couple times but each time he brought me back with fear of what he'd do if i didnt.i could go on and on on this subject but at the moment i choose not to.
My son's dad died when i was 4 months pregnant with him.He never knew his dad,never saw him.This abusive person was the only dad he knew ..(he knew about his actual blood father-but this man was with us from the time he was 1&1/ to him this was ''dad''.
He ,like me, caught the wrath if one thing went wrong. if he played too loud,laughted too loud,forgot to pick up a toy,dropped food in floor,spilled a drink,etc,etc,etc.He went from a baby to a young man in this type of enviroment.Every pet he did get would ''dissappear''.seemed like anything that made my son or me smile he just could not tolerate.
After 11 years of this i came to the conclusion that we was killing us painfully and slow.So which was best ,this way or quickly...i chose quickly.
11 YEARS OF FEAR turned out to be unwarranted totally..he did nothing !!!!! but try to totally turn my daughter against me and my son on every visit he decided to get her on.(you must remember--laws were not so much in place then,,lots has changed in 15 years---AND FOR THE BEST TO PROTECT FAMILIES.)
The first few months after we moved out both my kids would crawl in the bed with me at son, out of fear that he would show up during the night and the hell would start all over again,and my daughter from even a young age could not stand to be alone,expeciallly at night.And to this day she is still that way..She will not be alone sadly.
i use to look at them at night as they sleep and wonder what their dreams were,,how they would turn out as adults.statistics were starting to show then that children from this type of life tended to fall back into it as adults.the abused beCAme the abusers and so forth..i feared all this in my heart AND SOOOO much more.But God had plans.Plans at that time i was clueless about.
Where is this going you ask?
Thankfully statistics were wrong for my son.He grew up with a loving heart,a tenderness for giving and a burning light in his soul for helping those that he could.if for nothing more than sharing the change in his pocket.He has had some rough times in his life and even into adulthood he has. a motorcycle wreck when he was 14 that should have ended his life,a girl he eventually married at 19 because she was pregnant and convinced him it may be your's but help me be her daddy.He did, as well as all of us, for 3 years ,then she gave the little girl to her mom(custody) and left..she wasn't his,we could no nothing but hurt.This almost destroyed him.But had we not had those three years we would never have had the oppurtunity to love this wonderful little girl.Prayers still cover her daily.And who knows,Myabe that was the purpose of those 3 painful years.Would it be worth it again? OF COURSE!!!!
other things happened but i will stop with this.he does not talk much on pain only what he can do something out of that respect i'll end that..(ON a positive note,he and his lady are now expecting their first baby in may-they are thrilled..)
Life can throw us all kinds of punches and yes they hurt,,,but you know what ..just as in body building,these punches ,if allowed ,can build us in to a much stronger person than had we not experianced them.
How can you really feel for someone in pain if you have not been wounded deeply?
How can you tell anyone that it will get better if you don't believe it?
How can you give freely with your heart and all you have if you have not needed that before yourself?
How can you tell someone that time will heal if you don't carry the scars yourself?
How can you tell an addict they can overcome if you have walked their steps before?
how can you feel loss if you have not lost?????
how can you tell and abused person to just get out when you don't have a clue what is going on behind the scenes?
How can you tell someone tough love is best ,if it has not already tore your heart in half to inflict it?
How can you look at the bruises on a child or abused adult and understand how this could be allowed if you have not lived in these same houses?
How can i say abortion will hurt everyone involved if i have had felt the sting of it happen.(i don't know how mom or dad feels-but i do know what loosing a grandchild to abortion feels like)
A lot of us try and ''help''..BUT i have come to the conclusion that we are given these trials during our lives for a reason...To help others and really understand in our hearts..Not just what we can learn in a classroom,or in a book ,tv,study courses or anything else..(although these are good tools)..It must be experianced.
God allows these things to happen because he knows the people who will come into our lives later on...I have seen it happen over and over.
Anything that does not kill us strengthens us ..and even more powerfully if we depend on Jesus,Holy Spirit and our God..hE WILL TURN ALL THE PAIN INTO A USEFUL TOOL FOR YOU..i know he has for me and my son..
If you have learned these things,help is true that in helping others you yourself become healed..there's just something about giving to others when we hurt that allows a scar to take place of an open gaping raw spot.When others spot your ''scar'' they know you truely is not just words...IT IS WORDS YOU HAVE LIVED BY...
i pray that each of you who have been hurt,become the caregiver,become the voice for those who are not where you are..and that you allow nothing in this world to shake you to the point that regrowth can not occur.



Oh my name him Joshua! ""As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result..." Genesis 50:20